Happy Holidays and Merry X-mas!

If you read my last post on Christmas traditions, then you know that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas! So I've been thinking about a couple of popular Christian topics around this time of year and thought I would share some thoughts on the issues and maybe offer a little bit of a history lesson. Our pastor is one of the best preachers I've ever sat under and it seems like he's always got an aside in his sermon that is more profound that many pastors' main points. Seriously. He's that good. Anyway, a couple years ago he made a comment about all the commotion that's been raised in the recent past about being politically correct around Christmastime. "Merry Christmas" has turned into "Happy Holidays" with a lot of businesses and on Greeting Cards and in songs so as not to offend those who don't celebrate Christmas and to encompass those who celebrate other religious holidays. I'm very used to hearing Christians grumble about this and take offense, but he didn't. In fact, he said something along the lines of, "The world isn't celebrating Christmas anyway, so why would we get mad about it? The focus on commercialism and Santa has nothing to do with the incarantion of Christ, so it really doesn't need to be called Christmas." (This is a major paraphrase people.... he's much more eloquent and I should have written it down when it said it, but I didn't.) At first it was so contrary to what I was used to hearing that I didn't absorb it right away. As I thought about it though, I became more convinced that what he said was right. Why do we (Christians) get so caught up in expecting the world to act like Christians? Why would we expect people who don't love Jesus to feel attached to the word "Christmas" and feel compelled to call what they celebrate "Christmas"? Even if they do call it "Christmas", if Christ is not involved in their celebration, then that's not really what it is they're celebrating. It's merely a pagan celebration involving fun and good will towards others, but there's nothing sacred about it. In fact, one may be able to go so far as to say that embracing what the world calls "Christmas" in many ways defames the name of Christ. His name is part of something that often has nothing to do with him. So, I've resolved that when someone tells me "Happy Holidays," I'll respond with "Merry Christmas" but I won't get mad. I'll pray that someday their vain-attempt-to-bring-true-happiness "holiday" will turn into a blessed-celebration-of -the-Word-made-flesh "Christmas." Which leads me to another hot topic. The supposed removal of Christ's name from the word Christmas, found penned as "Xmas," often gets Christians up in arms. Here's a bit of history that you might find interesting. As a child I had always heard that "Xmas" was a non-Christian's way of taking Christ's name out of Christmas. One day my Grandpa Cooper (who was a bit of a history buff) told me that "Xmas" wasn't bad and that the "X" actually stood for Christ. I found it interesting enough that I never forgot it; however, I never heard support of this statement growing up, so I became skeptical over time and assumed he must have been wrong. As a Greek student at Moody, we talked briefly about the issue and how the Greek letters "Chi" and "Rho" ("X" and "P") became a popular abbreviation for Christ because they were the first two letters in the word "Christos" or Christ. (Click the link to the article below to see pictures of how this looked) We talked about how sometimes just an "X" was used and thus the abbreviation "Xmas" came into being as a way to represent the word "Christmas" but we didn't talk about details of how that came to be. I decided to make a "tricky" Christmas quiz for our AWANA kids this year and added a question about this issue on it. I decided to do a little more research on it so that I would have clear answers if they asked any and found this explanation from Dennis Bratcher fascinating! (www.crivoice.org/symbols/xmasorigin.html) Here's the part that was new to me:

In any case, by the fifteenth century Xmas emerged as a widely used symbol for Christmas. In 1436 Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press with movable type. In the early days of printing, typesetting was done by hand and was very tedious and expensive. As a result, abbreviations were common. In religious publications, the church began to use the abbreviation "X" for the word "Christ" to cut down on the cost of the books and pamphlets. From here, the abbreviation moved into general use in newspapers and other publications, and "Xmas" became an accepted way of printing "Christmas" (along with the abbreviation Xian and Xianity). Even Webster's dictionary acknowledges that the abbreviations "Xmas" was in common use by the middle of the sixteenth century.

So there is no grand scheme to dilute Christianity by promoting the use of Xmas instead of Christmas. It is not an modern invention to try to convert Christmas into a secular day, nor is it a device to promote the commercialism of the holiday season. Its origin is thoroughly rooted in the heritage of the Church. It is simply another way to say Christmas, drawing on a long history of symbolic abbreviations used in the Church. In fact, as in other abbreviations used in common speech or writing (such as Mr. or etc.), the abbreviation "Xmas" should be pronounced "Christmas" just as if the word were written out it full, rather than saying, "exmas." Understanding this use of Christian symbolism might help us modern day Xians focus on more important issues of the Faith during Advent, and bring a little more Peace to the Xmas season.

This is just the end of the article and the whole thing is really worth reading if you want a better (much better) explanation on the other stuff. All this is not to say that there are not some who use "Xmas" as a way to avoid the name of Christ, but I find it kind of funny that if that is their intention, they are unsuccessful. :)

I especially like what Bratcher says at the end of his article and thought his encouragement to focus on more important issues of the faith during Advent were dead on. So here's to keeping the focus on Christ and not "issues."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Having Fun Celebrating Jesus!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" Every time I think about Christmas, I can hear Andy Williams singing this song in my head. I SERIOUSLY love Christmas! Even more than birthdays. I like every part of it! I like the parties and the lights and the food and the music and the smells and the weather and the bell ringers and the presents and deep down I don't even mind all the craziness and people in the stores. I get a warm fuzzy feeling from Thanksgiving until December 25th and I LOVE it! But amidst all the hustle and bustle and fairytale feelings, it can be easy for me, even as an adult, to lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. Last year Matt and I spent a lot of time talking about ways that we can make sure that even though all this other stuff is fun, Christ remains the focus in our home. Here's a few Christmas traditions we came up with or copied off of others: The day after Thanksgiving gift- We like to decorate and get all of our Christmas stuff out the day after Thanksgiving. That's when Christmas officially starts for us. One thing we decided to do is to give a collective gift to our children on that day that focuses on Christ and that they can enjoy the whole season and help them focus on him. Ideas include: books and videos about his birth, ornaments (I just saw a super cool set at Hobby Lobby today that could be used to decorate a tree in their room... maybe next year?:)), toys (Fisher Price has a toddler Nativity set), advent calendars, activities, etc. Each year that stuff comes back out and you add something else to it and the idea is that they'll be surrounded with fun things that celebrate Christ and will remind them of the meaning of Christmas when they see and play with them. Three Gifts- Several people gave us the idea of giving 3 gifts to each child to represent the 3 gifts the wise men gave to Jesus. Nothing spiritual about it, just another reminder. This year with Isaac, we got him some "smaller" gifts (puzzles, videos and board games). Because none of them were super expensive and our budget this year allowed it, we got him several of each and we're wrapping them as "themed" gifts. Silas is getting 3 "bigger" items. Santa- How can you not love that big, jolly guy? We struggled with how to allow Santa Claus to be a part of our holiday season without him stealing the show. We finally decided on stockings. We got these super cute stockings last year with Santa on them and each year on Christmas morning they will find it stuffed full of fun things from him. We really don't want to be Scrooges, but we do want to be Christ centered. Everyone has their opinions on this, but this is what we've decided for our family and I'm super excited about it. Isaac's getting some Thomas trains in his this year and I'm pretty sure he'll be more excited about those than anything else he gets. Silas, well, he's getting a rubber ducky and some socks. :) Breakfast- This year we'd like to implement a fun breakfast tradition. To minimize stress on an already crazy morning/week, I think we're going to do cinnamon rolls out of a can. When it's time to eat we'll light a candle and sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. Quick and fun and one more way to bring it back around to the reason we're celebrating. Reading the Christmas story- Of course we'll be reading the story of Jesus' birth a lot over the next month, but when I was growing up, we always read the story out of Luke before we opened presents as a family. I like that idea and think we'll continue it with our family, though we may use a more toddler/baby friendly version for the next couple of years. Theme days- I'll be doing 1 or 2 themed Christmas days with Isaac to reinforce what he's been learning about the birth of Christ. So that's how we're going to try and stay focused this year and how we hope to pass down to our children the amazing Gift that was given to us by our Father at Christmas time. What are some of your traditions that help you celebrate Jesus? Does anyone have any good traditions between them and their spouse? I'm all about getting some more good ideas and tweaking or changing or adding to what we already have!

Looking AT the windshield instead of THROUGH it

Prayer. It's been my focus as of late. I think I may have had a mini-breakthrough. I've already lamented about how prayer has always been a struggle for me and that I've been fighting to make it a more vibrant part of my life. I recently finished up A Praying Life by Paul Miller and found it to be a fresh perspective that left me feeling hopeful that perhaps progress can be made in this area of my life. In his chapter on listening to God, Miller uses a word picture that really struck me. He was actually using it in reference to elevating an experience with God over God himself but he said, "Without realizing it, we can look at the windshield instead of through it." All at once it hit me that that's what I've been doing with prayer. I want to pray "right," so I study the topic of prayer. I read books on Scripture. I read Scripture itself. I have books that give amazing testimony to the power of prayer. I get all "motivated up" and then give it a shot. I think, "Okay, now I know what the Bible says about it and the effects it can have, so let's do this!" And I fizzle out again and come out on the other side discouraged. Okay, so then Miller talks about how a "praying life" can look and gives some practical advice to get there. He focuses on Scripture and how it is such an important part of praying. He talks about finding passages of Scripture to help you "pray biblically" about specific circumstances. Not an idea that's completely foreign to me. Then it all came together in my mind: I left Scripture alone once I learned what the Bible said about the topic. I used my intellect and my emotions, but rarely the Word of God. Sure, I occasionally prayed through a Psalm as a praise offering or lament or let a passage (such as the Lord's Prayer) guide my praying, but for the most part, Scripture was not a part of the praying process. Enter confusion. I second guess myself as I pray because I don't know whether to pray "in faith" or pray "your will be done" or give it up all together because deep down I don't believe it does anything. Doest that make sense? I'm looking AT the windshield (theology of prayer) instead of THROUGH it? I then become paralyzed by the idea of praying correctly. Aiyayay! I've seriously been doing this for years!!!! He suggests something that I've embarrassingly never even thought of. Make my "prayer list" using Scripture. Novel idea. Here's how it looks: He has an index card for specific members of his family and areas of his life (people who are suffering, friends, non-Christians, church leadership, missionaries and ministries, cultural issues, work, co-workers, repentance, hopes/dream, etc.). He considers the things they need prayer for and then finds a verse or passage in Scripture to guide his prayer for that person. Brilliant! No more second guessing! (Or at least less of it, anyway!) I think it will make more sense if you read the book or look at my cards, so I'll give some examples. Isaac, as most two year old are, is struggling with obedience and whining right now. So here's what his card says: ISAAC Obedience- "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." (Eph. 6:1) Whining- "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation..." (Phi. 2:14-15) Salvation- "For 'Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'" (Rom. 10:13) These are things I am praying for Isaac right now. Instead of just praying that Isaac won't whine (which in reality would really be a prayer for me because I can't stand listening to it!!!), I can pray that he would not whine for his character's sake and for God's glory; that he would grow up to be a blameless and pure child of God even in the midst of the evil going on in the world around him. Here's a personal card with areas that I struggle with and am continually coming back to the Lord for forgiveness and help. REPENTANCE Selfishness with others (especially Matt)- "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil. 2:3-4) Laziness in household responsibilities- "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." (Col. 3:23) Pride-When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. (Prov. 11:2) That's about all the dirty laundry that I'm willing to share, but you get the idea. I have a lot of friends from Moody who are either on the mission field or are getting ready to go and this is my prayer card for them (some names are X'ed out because they're in sensitive areas and I'm not sure that it's good to have "missionary" next to their name on a public site). MISSIONARIES XXXXXX and XXXXXX Matt and Pam XXXXXX and XXXXXX Kevin and Alyssa Nate and Kelley "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Gal. 6:9) I LOVE it. My "prayer list" items don't change much, but the WAY I pray for those things do! Such a breath of fresh air! Miller doesn't pray through every prayer card everyday and he suggests using your designated prayer time to make these cards if you don't feel you have a lot of extra time (which is what I'm trying to do). He also gives a sneak peek into his prayer life and gives a real life representation of the 20-25 min. he spent in his "set aside prayer time" and what it looked like with interruptions and all. It was encouraging to me to see a guy who takes prayer so seriously yet doesn't spend hours in a prayer closet uninterrupted before God (not that that isn't AMAZING if you do it, but not extremely practical for me right now unless I were to get up in the middle of the night.) I'll once again recommend this book. It's not perfect, but it sure is a fresh perspective and unlike any other book I've read on the subject. That's all for now. I am still very open to suggestions and would love to hear how your prayer life works. For now, I'm grateful for the mini-breakthrough and pray that the Lord continues to work on me in this area of weakness.

Noah Day

Okay, this post has been a long time coming. I did a "Noah Day" with Isaac a while back and am just now getting around to posting pictures. I must admit that it was a little harder to do it by myself and a LOT harder to get good 'in the moment' pics. These don't do it justice, but will give you an idea of what our morning looked like. All in all, it went well and we had a lot of fun. Our coffee table is becoming my new best friend. This time I turned it upside down and took advantage of it's bow-shaped legs and made it into an ark with postal paper and threw a blanket in the bottom to cover up the staples and unfinished wood. I thought it turned out pretty cute.

Silas doing his normal laid back thing.

This is the "Noah" puppet from the set I ordered a while back. He helped me read the books and tell the story and it really helped keep Isaac's attention. (P.S. I know Noah looks kinda creepy here, but I had a hard time getting him far enough away from the camera on my arm... he really is cute, I promise.)

We have the Playskool Noah's Ark set and I got an extra set of animal pairs. We dumped all the animals out on the floor and he had to find the matches and march them two by two into the ark. When I saw this picture at first I thought the animals looked way too small for our large "coffee table boat," but then I got to thinking about it and this is probably more to scale than we might inititally think. Can you imagine how large the ark must have looked in comparison to even the most giant of beasts?!?

Once they were all on, "God" shut the door and Isaac played the with the animals inside the boat for a while. He thought it was pretty cool, but the paper boat took a beating and didn't last too long after this round of fun. :)

In between each activity, we read the story of Noah's ark again. There are no shortage of children's book on this one, so I had a lot to choose from. Sometimes the puppet helped me, sometimes he didn't, but repetition is helpful and with the wide variety, Isaac stayed engaged. Next we moved on to making a lion mask. I cut out the pattern beforehand and he simply colored it and then we stapled on the "Stretch Magic" string.

He got creative and colored with two crayons at once. :)

Lest you think the morning was all fun and games, here's proof that it was not. He screamed his head off when I put the mask on him. He is not a fan of things on his head or face...

We also made an elephant finger puppet where your finger acts as a trunk. I thought it was so cute and it suited him a little better. :)

We told the story again using a paper dove and a branch from a tree in our backyard. There are so many fun things you can focus on in the story. (As well as some not fun things.... like God in his wrath wiping out everything on earth save those people and animals on the ark... but we didn't focus on that this time... ;) My pastor jokes about how people decorate their nursery in Noah's ark, not thinking about what a sobering story it truly is in many ways.) Moving on... We then painted a rainbow to use in a picture we made later. I helped him with this one as he told me the colors and then I let him make one of his own.

I think his turned out pretty cute! :)

While the paint dried, we went to work building the ark.

He is ALL boy!

Next on to some animal puzzles!

After the paint dried, we put together this Noah's ark picture. I got the idea from my new friend Mandy who did an awesome Noah day with her kiddos and some friends over the summer. We also had an animal cracker snack with all of our leftovers. Yummy! What a fun morning!

22 things about me...

The notes with "Name 25 things about yourself" has been floating around facebook again lately. I thought it would be kind of fun to sit down and reflect on some of the more notable things in my life. So, here goes: 1. I like chocolate milk... A LOT. It's been an ongoing love affair since I was a wee one. I drink a glass every morning and often have another glass later on in the day. I needed to go to the grocery store badly last week and you know what made me finally get out with both the boys and do it? I ran out of chocolate syrup. True story. 2. I LOVE my husband. He's my best friend and though it's not ALWAYS hunky-dory... it's more hunky-dory than it's not. :) 3. I adore my boys. Sometimes I think God has given me boys because he's knows I'll do a better job of raising them than girls. We'll see, but for now, I LOVE having only boys (except for the clothing part.... little girls' clothes are WAAAAYY cuter).

4. I am so thankful for my parents. They invested their minds, hearts and finances into my sisters and me and raised us in a way that honored God. They have taught me so much. 5. I think my sisters are fantastic! They both live on my street (in separate houses, by themselves... funny girls! :)) I get to see them quite a bit and am so thankful that I can call my sisters my friends. They are wondeful aunts and so much fun to have around! 6. I am blessed by amazing in-laws. Matt's parents watch the boys every Tuesday night so we can have a little date. His siblings and their spouses are wonderful aunts and uncles. They are truly enjoyable people to be around and I look forward to Sunday evenings with them and any other time we get to hang out. 7. I guess you could say I spend a lot of time with my family and I like them all a lot. 8. I'm pretty open-minded about a lot of things. I think I get it from my dad. I tend to see everyone's point of view on issues and can't always make up my mind about things. 9. Matt's pretty narrow minded. He's got opinions about EVERYTHING and he's usually pretty set in his ways. I think he gets that from his dad. Anyway, it makes for pretty interesting conversations between us and I kinda like it that way.... most times (unless I'm not getting my way:)). 10. I am "narrow-minded" in one area and that's my faith. As a general rule I don't like to offend people, but if it's the glory of my Savior and the eternal destiny of your soul, I tend to get a little "intolerant." Jesus Christ is the THE way, THE truth, and THE life and no one comes to the Father, but through him. I know from an outsiders perspective that can be very offensive, but really it's the most loving way I know how to be. 11. I have several pet peeves: (am I allowed to do sub-points?) a. Women who complain about being a stay-at-home mom. b. Women who complain about their husbands. I understand an occasional vent or a need for advice or prayer, but if it's a habit, I get annoyed and start defending the husband and that usually isn't good for anyone. c. Negativity in general. I love to leave conversations happy and refreshed and excited about life. I have a hard time knowing what to say to negativity and find it draining to combat. I know I can't avoid it completely, but I try to avoid people who seem to carry it around a little more than others. 12. I have been guilty of all of the above at some point or another. 13. Chirstmas is my absolute favorite holiday season. Of course I love the spiritual significance of God becoming flesh and dwelling among us, but I also love everything else that comes during this time. I love the music and the decor and the food and the presents and the traditions and the warm, cozy, fuzzy feeling I get starting with Thanksgiving weekend that lasts until Christmas day. 14. I don't like coffee, but I love tea and hot chocolate. I love sitting by a fire sipping on something warm and playing a game, reading a book or just hanging out with people I love. 15. I'm a big time procrastinator. I've gotten slightly better with time, but I usually pull things together last minute. I'd like to say it's because I work well under pressure, but really it's because I lack discipline. 16. I like running and I wish I were in shape right now. I'm kind of competitive and I get a major rush from running in races. Having chldren...especially nursing ones has put a damper on my fitness routine. My plan is to run another half marathon in March. Yikes! 17. I would like to adopt a little boy from Africa... not a specific one, just any little boy would do. :) 18. I cut my spaghetti... you know, like the way a toddler gets it cut so it won't get all over them. I don't do it in public because I hear it's insulting to the chef, but from the comfort of my own home, you'll find my spaghetti cut into 1 inch pieces and scooped, not twirled, onto my fork. 19. I'm reformed. If you dont know what that means, you probably don't want to. If you do, you either think a lot less of me right now, or that we'd have a lot in common. :) 20. I hate all cleaning that involves water. I could dust and vacuum all day long, but I hate doing dishes, laundry, mopping, cleaning counters, toilets, bathtubs, etc. It's unfortunate really, for me and my house. 21. I have developed two new obsessions over the last year. Burning candles and couponing. Something about having my house smell good makes me feel cozy and saving money has been a huge blessing to our family. Sometimes I burn a candle while I coupon... I don't do it often because it's almost too much excitement for me to handle! ;) 22. I think I have a little ADD. I have the shortest attention span ever and I'm growing weary of writing this list, so I'm going to cut it off at 22 things. I had originally planned on doing 25, but boredom has set in and I just saw something shiny... See ya later!

Take a deep breath!

I have a lot of inner chaos. I want to be the best mom ever and spend lots of time with my kids, but feel guilty that I'm ignoring the loads of laundry, cooking and cleaning that needs to be done. SO... I try to be an awesome housewife and have a relaxing "haven" for Matt to come home to, but I feel guilty that the boys are entertaining themselves while I try to get everything done. I want to have a servant's heart and help those in my church and community when they have a need. I want to go with the flow and be available at a moment's notice to help them unpack, keep them company, bring them a meal. But I feel like my family suffers when I do it. They don't get enough attention from me and my house falls apart. SO... I try to fully invest myself in my family first. Of all the people God has placed in my life, I want to show them that they are the most important to me. But, they're a full time job and after a (short) while I start to feel disconnected from my friends and like I'm not involved in what's going on around me. I begin to think maybe I'm being selfish to be so inwardly focused that I can't see past these four walls. SO... I get antsy to be more involved at our church... do community groups, women's Bible study, hang out with the couples we're getting to know more. Get to know some of the girls I hang out with on a deeper, more spiritual level. BUT... I long for more quality time with Matt and the boys... just us... as a family. It seems like the moments we have together to just relax and enjoy each other are rare. BUT... I want to spend time with our extended families... both sides... I think all of the above are good things and if I could accomplish all of them, maybe I could near pefection! Perhaps I could write a book and become a millionaire. Ahh... but wait, I forgot to add that to my above list of things to accomplish. That might cause a glitch... Breathe in... breathe out. There's this impossible word always looming over my head: BALANCE. It seems impossible to me because I don't do it well. At all. I've said before... I tend to be extreme. When I get one thing figured out, I give it my all and everything else suffers. I thought women were supposed to be good at multi-tasking!?!? I have wild swings to correct problems and end up creating new ones. How do I get the pendulum to slow down and dangle somewhere gently in the middle? How am I supposed to be the perfect, well-balanced person that I want to be? I should probably start by realizing I'll never be perfect. Gulp! Realizing I'll always be sub-par is a little hard for me to swallow. Ah, but wait! I can get around this one! I AM perfect and not sub-par at all... well, at least when you bring Christ into the equation. I am covered in his blood and stand before him spotless. Really? Spotless? Like totally acceptable to God? I've always struggled with this one. I'm always trying to earn God's love... even though I've always been taught that salvation can never be earned and is by grace through faith alone. It's hard for me to swallow that I don't have to pay the consequences for my sin. Tit for tat, ya know? I do something wrong, something bad happens. That's how it works. I do something good, something good happens. I read my Bible, pray, etc... God loves me more. Horrible theology. I would put anyone in there place who came up and tried to pass this rubbish off as truth, yet I live it all the time. No wonder the Gospel isn't just for the unsaved. I need to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ everyday. I need to proclaim the gift of salvation to myself all the time. I am in constant need of a reminder of who I am without Christ and who I am with him. Thank goodness I can dwell on the latter part. I am blameless and pure because of what he did for me. My good friend Katie and I just had a conversation last week about how we used to think of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) as more of an elementary part of our Christian walk. We thought of them as the outline to salvation... the story behind the cross. As we "matured" we moved on to Paul and his writings. More and more lately we've been brought back to Christ. Not just the Gospel message, but the teachings from the son of God himself. Why do we tend to look past them? So, another baby step in my Christian walk. I'm finishing up studying Proverbs and then it's back to the basics. The basics are essential and foundational... not just something to address and move on from. I want to immerse myself in the Gospels for a while. Remind myself of the teachings of the Master. Delight myself in the mystery, beauty and power of the Good News. Whoa! Major rabbit trail... but maybe there' s something to all of it. Can the Gospel help me be more balanced? Well, maybe. One thing I've noticed is that when I'm thinking more frequently on what Christ did for me, I tend to see things a little differently. Like... "Holy cow! I'm a really bad person and I can't believe he chose to save me from eternal damnation. He is so generous! He is so loving! He is so merciful! Wow! I didn't deserve it and now I stand before him as his beloved, blameless child." Now THAT is a gift from someone I can trust and love in return. And I begin to lean more on him. I pray more. I keep life in perspective more. I notice he's guiding my steps. Hmm... that might be a good way to approach balance. Have God help me make my decisions. That's a brilliant thought! :) So what would that look like? I don't know. Maybe I'll listen to the Holy Spirit and some things on my "good list" will happen and some won't. Maybe he'll guide me as he faithfully does when I seek him and I'll choose the right things to say yes and no to and the best way to use my time. I've always kind of lived with this unspoken motto guding the way I live: The Gospel... BUT life still happens. I think it's time to rearrange my thinking and my motto: Life happens... BUT the Gospel!

Losing Steam...

For the last few months, I've been so excited about life in general. I've enjoyed motherhood, my marriage and my relationship with God. It's been one of those rare times in my life when things just flowed naturally. I read the Bible just because I wanted to, not because I knew I needed to. I walked around the house with a spring in my step, whistling as I did laundry, changed diapers and cooked dinner. I found myself not getting frustrated with Matt very often (I love him with all of my heart, but he wakes up so stinkin' perky, that I usually have to try to balance him out with some grumpiness. :)) Over the last few weeks I've felt this surreal feeling begin to fade. I've tried grasping at the few straws that remain in hopes of holding on to this feeling forever, but, alas, I think I grasp in vain. As I laid in bed last night thinking, I told Matt that I needed something to write about. I actually have a million things I want to write about right now... things that I'm learning, but I have nothing conclusive or worthwhile to say about them yet. I'm at the beginning stages and I think it's going to be a while before I've got anything figured out enough to put pen to paper and make any sort of sense of what God's teaching me. But I want to be learning. I told God this morning that I want PASSION and PRODUCTIVITY. I feel like if I had those two things, I would get back most of what I feel like I'm losing right now. But how? My old method was to try harder. Set up a time for daily Bible study and prayer that became less and less passionate and turned out to be the exact opposite of what I was going for. My heart becomes disconnected and legalism sets in. Not really up for that right now... But, I'm not really willing to just sit back and watch all that the Lord has done in me recently fizzle out... So, I got up a little earlier this morning. Had some time to get prepared for the day. Showered, sorted dirty laundry, read a chapter in Proverbs, checked my e-mail and facebook, and now I'm writing. I like feeling like I get a chance to breathe before the boys wake up. When the Lord first revived my heart, I was staying up after Silas' early morning feeding and getting ready, working out, and just getting prepared for my day. Now, I usually get up in time to get ready, but it leaves me feeling like I'm playing catch up all day. I have a hard time accomplishing anything but taking care of the boys. No laundry, cleaning, errands, food... and then the house starts to feel chaotic because I'm always two steps behind. You can only ignore the mountains of laundry and lack of food for so long... When I get to this point, sitting down to read my Bible becomes low on the priority list because I'm barely keeping my head above water. That's been the last few weeks in a nutshell. So maybe my passion for God would get a boost if I actually had time to think clearly instead of "trying harder." I thought I'd never say this... but maybe cleanliness really IS next to godliness. (If you saw my home even on it's "clean" days, you'd understand that I'm using the word cleanliness very loosely here.) But I'm thinking maybe there's something to having my life organized enough that I'm able to have some still, quiet moments before the Lord. So maybe "Organization is next to godliness" is a better phrase or maybe even "Organization provides time for godlinesss" in my case. And maybe if I'm organized I can take better care of my family too. I know no other way to do this than to get up a little earlier. Sigh! So... less snoozing it is! This is my first attempt at getting back on track. We'll see how it goes... I'm only one day in and already I'm feeling more refreshed and excited about what the day has in store! Here's to learning and growing more!